M A Y

oh man. it's may. i cannot believe it, really. exams were this week so that was quite chaotic. i have one more exam left and i cannot wait to say IT'S SUMMER! camp is coming up very soon and i am just so excted about that. i just cannot wait to embark on all the wonderful adventures that i know i'll encounter! so wonderful! i just cannot wait for another amazing summer. i'm going to miss my family a whole lot, but i'm thankful for the twenty days that i'll have with them before i go :) good stuff. i'm also kind of bummed about leaving all my friends at school. they have become staples in my life--weird to go months without them. ^^ roomie love ^^

you know-on a different note, i've come to realize a lot about forgiveness and genuine-ness (idk if that is really a word). it is a very cool thing when you experience genuine forgiveness and genuine repentance. it is just another reminder of how real God is, that those things are possible. there there is such a peace in forgiveness and repentance. no more knots in the stomach or mindless day dreaming of what-ifs and worries, but just peace. awesome stuff.

i'm really looking forward to these next couple of weeks. hoping to be able to blog a lot more than usual. i do enjoy a good blog. get my feelings out there. awesomeeeee stuff. looking forward to the wonderful month ahead of me. praying that God would put a relentless passion for Him inside me. a deep desire that nothing could change. i'm needing that.

relief. sweet relief.

so...just got back from my doctors appointment. all is well! thankfully! the doctor was stinking awesome-he had a medicine bag! he performed a lot of small tests and did a very thorough evaluation. his conclusions were that nothing serious was happening and that this was a chemical thing going on in my brain-which an MRI couldn't show. basically, when you go-go-go all the time your brain is working super hard to mantain this schedule you have on your life. you have plans and duties and your brain works super hard to make sure you remember them and complete each task efficiently. well-the moment that the brain has time to relax and 'breathe' it stops working as hard as it was and gets a little careless. hence the problems accuring a lot while i'm at my apartment and not out-and-about. also, these problems can be made worse and more apparant by the amount of daily stress.

so-i'm so blessed. i'll never know if there was something there that the Lord removed or if there never was. all i know is the Lord has blessed me. and that is all that matters. He is still just as good :). the appointment made me consider my life a lot. the things i believe the Lord has made for me to do in this life shouldn't bring me stress, they should be relievers of stress. they should bring me complete joy, but why is it i spend the majority of my time stressing and going-going-going from task to task? i think it is time to really look at finding true, complete joy in the Lord in every task i have before me. what does that even look like? i'm not even that sure. whether it be school, work, or relationships it should be all focused on the Lord and the blessing that He is wanting to use me in those situations. so-i need to cut some stress. actually, the things i 'have' to do, should be viewed as things i 'get' to do. all because Jesus wants to use me, grow me, and impact His kingdom. perspective change 101.